Things to think about.
How do you and your partner/friend/parent/child etc, show respect for each other? How do you not?
In what ways do you and this person show appreciation for one another? How do you not?
How do you and this person meet each other’s emotional needs?
How could you and this person meet each other’s emotional needs?
In what ways do you and this person show trust for one another?
In what ways do you and this person not trust each other?
How do you and this person support each other?
How can you and this person support each other better?
How do you and this person help each other feel secure in the relationship?
What else can either one of you do to help the other feel more secure?
How do you and this person show loyalty and commitment to each other?
What else can either one of you do to show loyalty and commitment to each other?
Financial Needs (if applicable)
What kind of financial goals do you and this person share?
What money issues do you disagree about most?
How do you manage the daily money issues? (paying bills, etc?) with this person?
How does that work for both of you?
How are your spending habits the same? Different?
How are your saving habits the same? Different?
Describe how you and this person share household and or other types of responsibilities?
In an ideal world, how could you and this person be more responsible?
How do you meet this person’s sharing needs?
How could you better meet this person’s sharing needs?
How does this person meet your needs?
How could this person meet your sharing needs?
What types of social situations do you and this person share?
What types of social occasions do you and this person enjoy and have fun?
What social happenings do you like that this person does not?
What social happenings does this person like that you do not?
How do you and this peson meet your social needs?
How could you and this person better meet your social needs?
How are your spiritual needs and those of this person’s the same ? Different ?
What types of spiritual activities do you like to do together? (church, meditate, nature walks)
In what ways do spirituality and spiritual issues interfere with your relationship?
What spiritual values do you share?
What values do you each have that the other does not?
Dealing Effectively with Needs Problems
A simple process that can help you and this person more effectively with differences in your needs-sets include the following steps which can help you to understand each other’s needs and learn to accept and embrace your differences.
1) Understand your own Needs.
Partners who fight often fight over the same issues repeatedly. It is important to first understand what your needs are. Now that you have completed the assessment/reflections, what would you say are your greatest needs in your relationship?
2) Permit Yourself to Express Your Needs to the Person.
Ex: I need him to WANT to know my feelings.
How can I express this need to my partner?
Ex: Since he doesn’t always listen to me, I’ll write him a note explaining how I prefer sharing my feelings with him more than anyone else.
3) Understand The Other Person’s Needs.
It is also important to understand what the other person’s needs are. Look back at the assessment you completed. What would you say are the person’s greatest needs in your relationship?
4) Listen To What The Other Person Needs.
Think about things that this person says that should give you insights into your partner’s needs.
My partner’s needs:
Ex: To spend an occasional evening with friends.
How My Partner Tries to Express This Need:
Ex: Makes excuses about why his friend’s need him to come over.